not the time

by thankfeldenkrais

I’m burning out,
I can feel the tank is running on empty,
But as we’re knocking on Christmas’s door,
I must push through to the break,
For when holidays arrive,
We don’t have the support of our practitioner,
And the pressure of not attending therapy builds,
Like the doom of an up coming exam,
For which I haven’t studied for,
And as each day passes,
The knowledge drips from my mind,
Lost,
Along with new skills Isaac had acquired,
With regular contact.

Which is so  much worse.

And yet despite myself,
All I can dream of is a break from the cycle,
But a weightless one,
Where all I worry about,
Is if Isaac has enough sunscreen on,
Or whether to have ice cream before swimming,
Or after.

Reality,
However,
Always startles me present,
In a covering of sweat truths.

Don’t drop the ball.

You have too much to lose.

And the immediate focus is the post Botox period,
Critical time to retrain opposing muscle groups,
And it must start now.

Lots of cross legged sitting,
To help break up the internal rotation at the hips.
With the pelvis coming forward while in position,
Taking away the roll back onto the lumbar spine.

Standing must be prioritised,
To optimise weight-bearing,
And achieving a straight knee.
Yet to instill what it means to actually move into standing is vital.
For standing for Isaac means something very different,
Than what it means to us.
We must move away from the idea he still has,
Of coming upright from his back extensor muscles,
Even when he’s already “on” his feet.
So we must show him,
How it’s a projection upwards through the legs,
In a lifting of the buttocks action.
Where the buttock is raised back and up,
Away from it’s habitual forward thrust,
And see how the heels drop down to floor,
And allow the knees to straighten.

And arriving on his full foot,
Standing.

It’s no use trying endlessly to straighten Isaac’s legs into standing,
If his bottom insists on sinking down and forward,
Causing the heels to lift off the ground,
And making a straight knee near impossible,
For he’ll still never actually be on his feet,
Of have an understanding of getting there.

Awareness and self image,
Also need to be built upon during this key window.
Isaac’s knees exist to him,
But his ankles do not.
So we have capacity to,
We must remedy that,
By starting to teach him about his ankles,
And how they fit into his functioning,
With the added contact of the heel Botox has allowed,
And with that contact,
The ability to move around on ankle bones.
What wasn’t possible before,
Just might be now.

It’s all stations go.

Breathe deep,
And get on with it.

For now,
Is not the time to rest,
In the sun,
With an ice cream.

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But it might just help ease the pressure,
And bring some festive spirit into our house,
If while in standing,
We setup the Christmas tree.

And maybe we’ll eat ice cream when we’re done.

 

 

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