be vigilant/he is my everything

by thankfeldenkrais

This time with our Feldenkrais practitioner in tow,
We enter Botox review clinic,
The subject no longer benched,
For the another day is today,
And I need reinforcements.

I pushed this joined meeting,
Where our two worlds come together,
To unite around the common goal,
Isaac.
And repeatedly we need to make that abundantly clear.

And while my philosophical,
Alliances lie so passionately with Feldenkrais,
No one has all the answers,
Sadly I am now too aware.
But if we pick and choose the right bits from both worlds,
Perhaps then we can pave our way more harmoniously,
To a greater future for Isaac.

All eager to make a good impression,
But claiming their grounds,
The room is somewhat tense,
Which uncharacteristically,
I find incredible humorous,
Considering the subject,
And the seriousness surrounding the injection intervention.

But some days finding silent laughter in the small things,
Might just get you through another day.

My optimism,
For a uniting front,
Walking hand in hand down the road to Isaac’s development,
Despite everyone’s best behaviour,
Is short lived,
As a glazed over eye,
And an indiscreet balk,
Tell tales of a thousand words.
Or in this case,
An obvious indifference.

While we declare the loss of function,
From last time,
And delicately highlight the flaws in the method,
To which they measure muscles,
As a determining factor for Botox,
We acknowledge the possible ingenuousness of injections,
If we do it right.

And the idea of what’s right,
Is vastly different between us,
And in that lies the problem.

And I’m so very tired.

Mixed opinions.

Powerful personalities.

A static model verse a dynamic model,
Their idea of what is functional gain,
Verse Feldenkrais’ understanding of movement,
And the relationship beyond a single action.

Can I just wrap Isaac up in my arms and shield him from it all,
And go eat mud pies in the park?

My humour,
Quickly lost.
As I tire of the go betweens.

But,
If we’re going to do this,

We have to do it our way,
By their rules.

The goal posts seem set in concrete,
Are unable to move,
To accept this,
May just save me a lot of future distress,
And if we become more tactical,
In how we get what we won’t,
Out of the opponent we’re up against,
We might just get the chance to figure out,
If we’re playing the right game.

Because as it is,
One series of injections,
Isn’t enough,
For us to determine if it is of benefit long term,
Or not.

But this time,
We’re going to be vigilant,
To doses,
To muscle selection,
And focused on our own game-plan,
Without getting side tracked by the shiny pompoms,
Authoritative figures wave around beguilingly.

Slightly more confused than as we walked in,
We walk out,
Heavy and drained,
But glad I took the chance to put our priorities straight,
And start a conversation,
Between people who normally wouldn’t cross paths,
For we’re not willing to write off Botox,
As a therapeutic approach just yet,
But nor use it again at the sacrifice of so much.
And I’ll do whatever it takes,
To keep the smile on this little boys face.

Because he is my everything.

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