can’t have the function without the fidget

by thankfeldenkrais

Before we know it,
We are one month away from possible re-injection of Botox,
And I wonder where almost six months has gone.

But then I step back and reflect on how far Isaac has come.

And while time races by,
We try to maintain pace,
In order to sustain skill acquisition,
Combated by his body growth,
His fragile nervous system,
And the interruptions of such things as Botox,
Illness and fatigue.

On discussion of more Botox,
Our practitioner breaks it down,
Currently witnessing no prohibiting of function from high tone.

His trunk has a freedom to move,
Is soft and finding balance slowly.
Until he needs to use his arms,
For say, throwing a ball,
At which point he uses his upper body as a block,
Shoulder blades, arms and shoulders locking together,
As one,
Invoking spasm,
Leaving him stuck,
Unable to move arms through space.

But which Botox will not remedy.

His supported walking has increased endurance,
Without losing the quality of his gait.

Found through the connection he’s made to his lower limbs,
Not by an injection into the legs.

And probably the most wonderful of all,
According to the watchful eyes of our practitioner,
Is Isaac’s ability to fidget.
Which sees subtle movements,
Occurring organically,
As he fusses around his own body in space,
Nothing getting stuck,
Nothing forced,
All self initiated.

Again something Botox will never be responsible for creating.

And I am once more privy to the wisdom that is Feldenkrais.

How we rarely,
If ever,
Sit still without movement,
And the idea that grand gross motor function,
Let alone fine motor control,
Is isolated to that specific muscles action,
Is completely unrealistic.

And I see that if you’re looking for the right things,
Focusing on the true aspects of movement,
You are opened up to offering so much more beneficial support,
And given so many more options,
In how to help improve ones ability to move.

And leading to greater potential.

We witnessed after Isaac’s initial Botox injections,
Where in fact function was lost,
Because the relationship between his nervous system as he knew it,
Was destroyed,
And a new organisation left in its place,
Which took months to understand.

Although some aspects of the intervention were beneficial over time,
As the effects dampened I concede,
Others completely unnecessary,
And hindering.

So what’s the definite answer?

I still cannot be sure.

It all points back to the little shifts,
An awareness of oneself,
To move without effort,
Somewhat subconsciously,
And unprompted.

Which in turn leads to grander function,
Like standing or walking,
Throwing or catching,
Sitting to stand,
Or lying to sit.

We can’t have the function without the fidget,
And I can now see which one must come first.

november 2014.jpg

So with an achy head,
I shelve the Botox conversation for another day,
And get on with seeing the beauty in my almost four years old’s inability to sit still.