the point to being upright

by thankfeldenkrais

Every time our practitioner would say,
We can facilitate and will as much as we like,
But ultimately it’ll come down to how much Isaac wants it,
A huge lump would rise in my throat,
Which I’d have no choice but to swallow,
For of all people,
A brutal truth coming from the sanctuary of our Feldenkrais sessions,
Is always the hardest to digest,
Because it holds the most weight,
And I trust in the knowledge,
As nothing is said without warrant.

It’s never meant with defeatist attitude,
Or to influence or change,
All that we work on,
But rather a reality check,
To be reminded of,
That his body is driven by his mind,
By his motivation,
By his determination,
Just as much,
Or perhaps more so,
Than it’s limited by his body’s physical impairments.

I’ve spent almost three years learning,
And listening about body awareness,
About opening up pathways,
But possibly,
For the first time,
I dislodge the lump in my throat,
Let a few tears roll off my cheek,
And I get it.

My doubt,
And my fear unrelenting,
But my trust in Isaac to give it his everything,
Is unopposed.

Because despite some protests along the way,
Ultimately he’s responsive,
And so driven to do,
To play,
To take risks,
To seek challenge,
To solve problems.

And as he continues to roll his way over bolsters,
Explore flexion through bottom floor sitting, and curling forward and back to the left and the right,
Barefoot stomping to feel pressure through flat foot and heel,
While his infectious uncontrollable laughter fills the air,
Side walk back and forth to practice weigh-shifting and weight-bearing,
side walking
Among a plethora of other activities,
All to promote a reason for action,
Learn flexion,
Break spasm,
To increase variety of movement,
And give choices –
He exerts it with a sense of purpose and desire.

And then after such commitment,
It would seem that,
Isaac finally discovered,
The point to being upright,
That there was a use for his legs,
To better his play,
Offering new ground to be explored,
His determination flared,
And a recognition of possibilities –

He side walked around the therapy table by himself for the very first time.

With yet another lump rising in my throat,
But this time equal measures shock and joy,
I frantically film,
While blubbering like a baby,
And I’m reassured once more,
That yes indeed –

He wants it enough.