in this moment

by thankfeldenkrais

It’s hardest to see the bigger picture at night,
When the darkness takes you in,
And you rerun the days play-date over in your mind,
And how far the gap between him and his peers has grown,
How bright the spotlight shines on the things he cannot do.

Despite my bold optimism,
And towering expectations of him,
Of myself.
I’m still only human,
With loss,
And grief all too available when the sun sets.

It’s mental strain to pull myself from my own self pity.

And begin another day,
With the birdsong of daylight,
Looking through the right frame of mind,
And see how he thrives.
With all considered.

Speedily he cammando crawls where his heart desires,
Pushing up to all fours more and more,
As his explorations lead him.
He climbs more skilfully over obstacles,
Improving in sitting –
On a step without support now becoming possible.
He has started to understands what his arms and hands are for –
A game of choice – posting and retrieving objects into, and under things.
Hours spent opening and closing a crayon box,
Lifting its challenging lid,
Taking out its contents only to put it back in again,
And repeat.
Pleasure written on his face,
Concentration in his eyes.
Driving his motivation.

And he’s chatty,
Not many formed words,
But constantly engaging us in his conversation,
Responding to our inquisitive replies,
In initiating interaction.

Small for his age,
Yet eating well despite my fears for growth.
Meal time another opportunity for him to eagerly take charge,
Once a forks speared with food he independently devours it,
Or scoops dolloped yoghurt effectively with his spoon,
Making it that much sweeter to taste.

Frustrations still emerging,
Yet can be our opportunity to show Isaac his options,
Rather than escalating into despair.
If two hands are required,
We explain to him,
Show him that by lying on his back his two hands are free,
Put our hands over his to demonstrate,
And repeat, repeat, repeat.

And we keep him utilising the ground,
Build his confidence,
And master his floor repertoire,
So nothing is missing.
Which will be the key for expanding it to the next stage.
All the components for getting upright are learnt on the floor,
Using the floor to rock around on,
Forever moving back and forth,
Finding that mobility in the hips,
Rolling hips this way and that,
Turning chest,
Head down,
Bum up,
On the back,
Pushing off of,
Rolling over,
Worming across.
Every little act,
The foundations to getting up right successfully and confidently.

And so we don’t push him,
Despite his own initial desires and attempts to get up right,
And my own desperation to chase his peers development.
We’ll keep him here within his repertoire,
Until he masters this stage.

So forcibly I separate myself from typical motherhood,
Be present with him as he is,
Right now in this moment,
Shine light on the progress,
And trust in the process.

Something I have to remind myself of everyday,
Many times a day.
And write down in hope of making it stick.