by thankfeldenkrais

And so it begins.

At the clearly inevitable,
And heavily anticipated,
Arrival of his first piece of specialised equipment

My bitter-sweet,
Sometimes volatile –

Relationship with stuff.

And while it’s impossible to begrudge him for it,
Filling a need,
Which in unto itself is hard enough to face.
Assisting him in ways I can rationally acknowledge,
Even if emotionally I cannot.

But the stuff itself I can happily detest.

It starts to quietly squeak special needs,
Taking up space within the home,
With its cumbersome frame,
Heavy build,
Its inflexible manoeuverability,
And its unapologetic aesthetics.

To being out within the community,
Where it suddenly starts to scream DISABLED!
At the top of its lungs.
Overshadowing the precious cargo within.
Leaving you wondering – was it always so big and so obvious?
And quickly it starts to dig deeper at the giant aching pit in your stomach,
And has you fighting the urge to run home immediately and never leave the house again.
And you probably would,
Except that it’s physically taken all your effort to get it out of the car and assembled,
That the thought of getting it back into the car again this soon,
Happens to be the one thing more petrifying than fronting up.

My saviour is always his face.

I openly loath you,
With your built in judgments,
The ache you bring to my slight frame,
The emotional strings you pull on without permission,
And if I truly honest,
Simply your very reason for being.
And has me constantly fantasising of a life stuff-less.
In a small compact vehicle,
Less the battle wounds its inflicted,
And free from sweat soaked clothing from a single trip to the store.

But my boy,
With that smile,
That face I can bury my head into and cry,
Until I can lift it to the grocery list once more,
And face the jobs ahead.
That part of me that looks at you,
And makes me feel the proudest of parent,
Who can take on the world.
That boy I will do anything for,
Face anything for,
Carry anything for,
And put up with all the stuff in the world for.

But with said stuff,
Comes a guarantee of,
Profanities included.

No apologies.

And a recommendation to please,
Handle with care.