october

by thankfeldenkrais

A month of milestones unfolds before me,
And I greedily gather them up,
Holding them close to my chest,
As if they belong to me as well as him.

While I’m constantly full to capacity,
Often overflowing with a plate too laden for one,
A part of me relentlessly remains starved,
Like a separate stomach waiting to be filled,
By his progress,
And no other supplement will suffice.

And then October arrives,
Nineteen months of Isaac,
And from a gaping hole ached by hunger,
I feel the taste of nourishment,
Seep in,
Drop by drop,
As things start to happen.

In quick succession.

And despite my fiercest motherly love,
Painstaking commitment,
Were never a guarantee.

Which makes the fuel all the more satisfying.

He sits unaided on a step for over thirty seconds,
I ask him to hold his hands on his knee which he does happily,
Counting out loud with his smile and his eyes,
While my voice verses one through thirty.

He feeds himself with a fork,
With expert accuracy,
Once I spear the food.
The rest is all him.

He drinks from a straw of an ordinary popper,
Completely unexpectedly,
Eyes popping in delight over the sweet liquid gold,
Quenching his thirst,
And feeding his skill.

A perfect stepping actions,
Walks his little Astro booted legs around holding my hands,
Left, right, left, right,
Feet close to flat,
And a shriek of glee gurgling from within.

He stands by himself holding the window sill,
Confident,
And tall,
Spying on a world that lies waiting for him.

And suddenly my calling hunger,
Has been answered,
And I feel full,
For the first time in as long as I can remember.
I get a priceless glimpse into a possible future.
Scared to voice it out loud,
I allow the fill to settle in my stomach,
Knowing despite what may lay ahead,
This is a meal I could live off for a while to come.

I love October.

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