apprenticeship of how

by thankfeldenkrais

Despite the reinforced knowledge,
Of filling in the gaps,
One transition at a time.

I want it all for him,
And I want it now –
But I need to be patient.
And painfully realistic.
Forcing myself to take my foot from the accelerator,
I sink just a little lower in my seat.

Will he crawl on all fours?
Will he stand?
Will he walk?
Will he write?
Will he talk?

A blank canvas of endless possibility,
We do not have,
Forever on the back foot,
Striving to catch up,
On what we may not ever reach.
I hold my breathe and make a wish,
Which no answer echoes response.

Trust and dive in head first,
Fully clothed,
The extra weight pulling me deeper,
Just a flicker of sunlight to guide my ascent.

And knowing if I give up,
It’s as though I give up on him.

So be his life raft.
And stay afloat.

Understanding how one learns to crawl,
Then to stand,
Then to walk.
To balance.

Understanding how to use his pelvis,
Use the ground or objects around him,
Moving in and out of an array of positions,
Back and forth, side to side,
Over and turn, twist and wiggle,
Push and pull –
Include all of him,
Shifting his weight at the right moment with the right timing and speed – balance.

That is how we get him there.

I now understand that those things don’t just happen
– for anyone –
It’s an apprenticeship of how.

Of making mistakes,
And trying again,
How they will all fit together for him,
I cannot yet see,
But my pride in his progression,
Is clear as crystal,
And drives me to steer him in the directions that I am told.

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He how’d his way to rolling, to commando crawling, to weight bearing so effectively on the right arm, to change his own direction and orientation in space,
Transition is what will give him trunk control.
Sitting needs to allow him to rock around in a circle to correct his balance.

In proof of the hard work surrounding his pelvis use – from kneeling at a chair,
He pulled himself up to stand.
If his pelvis was locked – he could not move his hips up and down to push so confidently through his feet.

A perspective change that catches me by surprise,
Gut wrenching almost,
Yet so beautifully confronting.
I see him tall,
He sees the world from above.

I see all of him.

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But I am forced to remember we have a very long way to go,
So many pieces to the puzzle still yet to be found.

This is the long road,
But the only one in front of me.

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