what more could we ask for

by thankfeldenkrais

And then suddenly it is one year,
Since it all began,
Since joy met sorrow,
Since baby met mamma,
Since we both met trauma.
And our story took that turn down a very scary road.

But has it only been a year,
It feels a lifetime has passed,
Already I can’t remember anything that came before.

Bitter sweetness hung in the air.

I remind myself all I am grateful for,
For his tangible being warm in my arms,
For the smile he wears across his face,
For the support of my dear family and friends,
For Feldenkrais,
And our beloved practitioner.

I had wanted it to be the cure for Isaac,
To erase any difficulties,
To wipe our slate clean,
And let us start our lives properly.

But one year in,
The reality stung as much now as ever,
Quite possibly more.
That nothing would fix him,
His brain damage is permanent.
Cerebral Palsy doesn’t just go away –

And our practitioner certainly wasn’t pretending that it would.
But she reminds me of all the intricacies that he has already learnt in his sort one year of life,
On top of battling so many challenges,
He has still made exceptional progress,
In her eyes.
Mine still blurred with tears,
And a picture painted in my mind.
Yet it was time to trust what she was seeing,
The micro movements that build ability –
He was collecting all the puzzle pieces,
Which may not fit to form the perfect picture,
But at the very least if all the pieces are there,
A picture still forms and,
Potential is endless.
Let go of false hope,
But not hope,
Forget about how it should have been,
And embrace what is.

While he wasn’t sitting independently,
Crawling on all fours,
Let alone walking,
Or talking,
Look at how much more of himself he has found,
She reminds me.
And that is key to everything.
He is moving himself independently through space,
In multiple directions,
Using various tactics to shift his weight,
Push off the ground,
He’s discovering the power of intent,
Fulfilled by the action.
At this stage Rose,
She says to me in earnest –
What more could we ask for?


Happy first birthday dear Isaac,
Hip-hip hooray.