crawl before you walk

by thankfeldenkrais

I’m told,
Go slowly,
Forget age milestones,
And fill in the missing pieces.

It is the hardest part of all,
Trying to step back from comparisons,
Face the things that are not present,
Acknowledge the moments on their merit,
And reevaluate expectations.

Because I’m screaming inside,
Crying myself to sleep each night,
For a crystal ball to tell me,
How his life will be,
What his capabilities will hold,
And for the answer to be nothing but,
Completely able.

Seven months old,
No longer the babe,
Who swaddled tight,
In the eyes of a stranger,
Seems a typical infant,
Nestled in the arms of a typical new mum.

I’m terrified,
I don’t know how to move forward into this new chapter.
The anxiety bubbles below the surface,
My eyes forced open,
In gut wrenching recognition of what wasn’t there.

He wasn’t sitting,
He couldn’t crawl,
He didn’t effortless pull feet to mouth,
Devouring each toe as if a long awaited treat.
He didn’t babble in that baby sweet sing-song,
Or pull at everything in his path,
Or roll and roll across the room in purposed movement,
To explore the unknown surrounds.

As the saying goes,
Crawl before you walk,
So I’m told we roll before we crawl,
And before we roll,
We need our pelvis,
To tilt in flexion,
To be present,
To understand how it moves.

The strategy seems too simplistic,
Yet I can’t deny it reflecting his current lack of ability,
Battling my mentality of grand complexities,
Of habitually rushed achievement.
And trust our practitioner,
Less is more.
And we all need a starting point.
Isaac’s apprenticeship to movement,
To life,
Is on a slower trajectory,
But predominantly of similar progression through the stages.
Thus ensuring developmental growth.
Don’t skip ahead,
Take your time.

No longer does he lay flat on his back,
But instead propped with a cushion under his bottom,
Showing him the tilt he cannot yet create himself,
So he can feel it,
Learn this new position,
As safe,
As possible,
As a way to give him access to his knees,
And just possibly the ten wiggling prizes at the end of those feet.
And there he plays,
Motivation is strong.

I can see Isaac’s determination,
That spark,
That character,
I know he’s up for the challenge,
But like a ton of bricks it falls on my shoulders,
We need to teach him everything.
And I know in that moment,
The hard work had only just begun.

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No quick fix,
No magic cures,
Just a plastic brain,
With the ability to learn.
And I prayed I have the stamina to see it through.

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