bedside table

by thankfeldenkrais

As expected, I lay awake eyes itching with fatigue,
Yet I cannot sleep.
A combination of anxiety for results,
Wanting them, dreading them.
And heartache of being back in the same room,
Where so many gut wrenching fretful nights were spent,
Away from him.
In total body consuming terror and
Unknown.

The same bedside table beside me,
Where my phone sat,
Nights on end,
Fearing a phone call,
Alarm set three hourly,
To electrically pump for his tube feeds,
I couldn’t give myself.
The melodic vibration still haunting my unrest.
Still so much unknown.
Sitting by the bedside table.

I keep checking on him,
Here in the present,
To overwrite the past.

He’s restless too,
As general anesthetic feeds into pain and confusion,
He knows now,
Despite disorientation,
We are far from home,
And it’s unsettling.

Whispering hush,
Cradling him close,
I try to convince us both,
That tomorrow will be alright.

All we can do now,
Is wait for the sun to rise.

IMG_3269

And face another day.

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