intentions unknown

by thankfeldenkrais

And as quickly as I saw him shine,
A blackened fear flared.
Unsurprisingly ignited,
By the cascade of appointments erupting at force,
Exploding strangers once more into his sanctuary.

Freedom was temporary,
And with its demise,
A roller coaster of panicked agitation prevailed.

And so set the tone.

Loud, fretful and consistently.

Fear became the default setting.

Scared of everyone,
Descending on him,
For their intention unknown,
But experience prepared him for pain,
And separation.

Each white coat taking him from the haven of my arms,
Had his tiny body clench in fright.
The deafening screech of terror,
Echoing through my bones,
And tearing me apart.

He was truly afraid.
And I was petrified, helpless to amend.

His clarity feeding a heighten state of awareness,
Allowing no rest.
His fear stiffened body too strong for my powerless embrace,
Seemingly sleeping with one eye open,
On guard for predators,
The slightest sound alarming him into action.

Soothing him became the marathon,
I had not trained for.

Pleading through dark watery eyes,
I wrap him tightly,
Press him vigorously to my heart,
And equally as pleadingly rock a lullaby,
In desperate attempt to invoke refuge.

Powerless to redirect the path we now had to walk,
Despite our protest,
All I could do was whisper to his ear,
Cooing sounds of love,
Sing him Teddy Bears picnic,
Waiting to feel his body softened,
His breathing slow to calm,
And let silent tear roll off my cheek.

Begging for it to last.